Life is so much better after having sex.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
