I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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