Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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