i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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