ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
