The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
