She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
