yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
