Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Dignity is for republicans.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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