first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
