She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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