Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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