People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
