Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
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