I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
