I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
