Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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