I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
