And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
