Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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