you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
