The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Green mimosas i think yes
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
