I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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