worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
