Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Randomize
