Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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