he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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