having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
