woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
