If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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