I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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