Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
