So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
