btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
