mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
