i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
