Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
whose parrot is this?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
