lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
