Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
