So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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