I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
