1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
