I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
