Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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