When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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