I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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