well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
