gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Randomize
