now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
