I swear to god he's a one man village people.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
