I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
