the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
